" Reading is essential for those who seek to rise above the ordinary "
" Reading is essential for those who seek to rise above the ordinary "
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Be As You Are - The Teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi
by Ramana Maharshi
Awakening Analogies
Ramana Maharshi gives a multitude of ways to understand awakening:
Shade:
“Mukti or liberation is our nature. It is another name for us. Our wanting mukti is a very funny thing. It is like a man who is in the shade, voluntarily leaving the shade, going into the sun, feeling the severity of the heat there, making great efforts to get back into the shade and then rejoicing, ‘How sweet is the shade! I have reached the shade at last!’ We are all doing exactly the same. We are not different from the reality. We imagine we are different, that is we create the bheda bhava (the feeling of difference) and then undergo great sadhana (spiritual practices) to get rid of the bheda bhava and realise the oneness. Why imagine or create bheda bhava and then destroy it?”
Necklace:
“A lady had a precious necklace round her neck. Once in her excitement she forgot it and thought that the necklace was lost. She became anxious and looked for it in her home but could not find it. She asked her friends and neighbours if they knew anything about the necklace. They did not. At last a kind friend of hers told her to feel the necklace round her neck. She found that it had all along been round her neck and she was happy. When others asked her later if she had found the necklace which was lost, she said, ‘Yes, I have found it.’ She still felt that she had recovered a lost jewel. Now did she lose it at all? It was all along round her neck. But judge her feelings. She was as happy as if she had recovered a lost jewel. Similarly with us, we imagine that we will realise that Self some time, whereas we are never anything but the Self.”
Dream:
“We are imagining we are bound and are making various, strenuous attempts to become free, while we are all the while free. This will be understood only when we reach that stage. We will be surprised that we were frantically trying to attain something which we have always been and are. An illustration will make this clear. A man goes to sleep in this hall. He dreams he has gone on a world tour, is roaming over hill and dale, forest and country, desert and sea, across various continents and after many years of weary and strenuous travel, returns to this country, reaches Tiruvannamalai, enters the ashram and walks into the hall. Just at that moment he wakes up and finds he has not moved an inch but was sleeping where he lay down. He has not returned after great effort to this hall, but is and always has been in the hall. It is exactly like that. If it is asked, ‘Why being free do we imagine that we are bound?’ I answer, ‘Why being in the hall did you imagine you were on a world adventure, crossing hill and dale, desert and sea? It is all mind or maya (illusion).’”
Bubble & Ocean:
“Unbroken ‘I, I’ is the infinite ocean. The ego, the ‘I’-thought, remains only a bubble on it and is called jiva or individual soul. The bubble too is water for when it bursts it only mixes in the ocean. When it remains a bubble it is still a part of the ocean. Ignorant of this simple truth, innumerable methods under different denominations, such as yoga, bhakti, karma, each again with many modifications, are being taught with great skill and in intricate detail only to entice the seekers and confuse their minds. So also are the religions and sects and dogmas. What are they all for? Only for knowing the Self. They are aids and practices required for knowing the Self.”
Script & Paper:
“Take a paper. We see only the script, and nobody notices the paper on which the script is written. The paper is there whether the script on it is there or not. To those who look upon the script as real, you have to say that it is unreal, an illusion, since it rests upon the paper. The wise man looks upon both the paper and script as one. So also with Brahman and the universe.”
Stage:
“As example the light that is kept on the stage of a theatre. When a drama is being played, the light is there, which illuminates, without any distinction, all the actors, whether they be kings or servants or dancers, and also all the audience. That light will be there before the drama begins, during the performance and also after the performance is over. Similarly, the light within, that is, the Self, gives light to the ego, the intellect, the memory and the mind without itself being subject to processes of growth and decay. Although during deep sleep and other states there is no feeling of the ego, that Self remains attributeless, and continues to shine of itself.”
“Does a man who is acting on the stage in a female part forget that he is a man? Similarly, we too must play our parts on the stage of life, but we must not identify ourselves with those parts.”
“Each person has come into manifestation for a certain purpose and that purpose will be accomplished whether he considers himself to be the actor or not.”
“All actions go on automatically … actorless action.”
Screen:
“Consciousness is the screen on which all the pictures come and go. The screen is real, the pictures are mere shadows on it.”
“Take the instance of moving pictures on the screen in the cinema-show. What is there in front of you before the play begins? Merely the screen. On that screen you see the entire show, and for all appearances the pictures are real. But go and try to take hold of them. What do you take hold of? Merely the screen on which the pictures appeared. After the play, when the pictures disappear, what remains? The screen again. So with the Self. That alone exists, the pictures come and go. If you hold on to the Self, you will not be deceived by the appearance of the pictures. Nor does it matter at all if the pictures appear or disappear. Ignoring the Self the ajnani thinks the world is real, just as ignoring the screen he sees merely the pictures, as if they existed apart from it. If one knows that without the seer there is nothing to be seen, just as there are no pictures without the screen, one is not deluded. The jnani knows that the screen and the pictures are only the Self. With the pictures the Self is in its manifest form; without the pictures it remains in the unmanifest form.”
“It is like a cinema. The screen is always there but several types of pictures appear on the screen and then disappear. Nothing sticks to the screen, it remains a screen. Similarly, you remain your own Self in all the three states. If you know that, the three states will not trouble you, just as the pictures which appear on the screen do not stick to it. On the screen, you sometimes see a huge ocean with endless waves; that disappears. Another time, you see fire spreading all around; that too disappears. The screen is there on both occasions. Did the screen get wet with the water or did it get burned by the fire? Nothing affected the screen. In the same way, the things that happen during the wakeful, dream and sleep states do not affect you at all; you remain your own Self.”
“It is like a cinema-show. There is the light on the screen and the shadows flitting across it impress the audience as the enactment of some piece. If in the same play an audience also is shown on the screen as part of the performance, the seer and the seen will then both be on the screen. Apply it to yourself. You are the screen, the Self has created the ego, the ego has its accretions of thoughts which are displayed as the world, the trees and the plants of which you are asking. In reality, all these are nothing but the Self.”
“In a cinema-show you can see pictures only in a very dim light or in darkness. But when all the lights are switched on, the pictures disappear. So also in the floodlight of the supreme atman all objects disappear.”
“The three states owe their existence to non-enquiry and enquiry puts an end to them.”
Sleep:
“Sleep reveals that you exist even without a body.”
Dream & Waking:
“There is no difference between dream and the waking state except that the dream is short and the waking long. Both are the result of the mind. Because the waking state is long, we imagine that it is our real state.”
“There cannot be a break in your being. You who slept are also now awake. There is no unhappiness in your deep sleep whereas it exists now. What is it that has happened now so that this difference is experienced? There was no ‘I’-thought in your sleep, whereas it is present now. The true ‘I’ is not apparent and the false ‘I’ is parading itself. This false ‘I’ is the obstacle to your right knowledge. Find out from where this false ‘I’ arises. Then it will disappear. You will then be only what you are, that is, absolute being.”
“While you are dreaming, the dream was a perfectly integrated whole. That is to say, if you felt thirsty in a dream, the illusory drinking of illusory water quenched your illusory thirst. But all this was real and not illusory to you so long as you did not know that the dream itself was illusory. Similarly with the waking world.”
“What is wrong with the sense of reality you have while you are dreaming? You may be dreaming of something quite impossible, for instance, of having a happy chat with a dead person. Just for a moment, you may doubt in the dream, saying to yourself, ‘Was he not dead?’, but somehow your mind reconciles itself to the dream-vision, and the person is as good as alive for the purposes of the dream. In other words, the dream as a dream does not permit you to doubt its reality. It is the same in the waking state, for you are unable to doubt the reality of the world which you see while you are awake. How can the mind which has itself created the world accept it as unreal? That is the significance of the comparison made between the world of the waking state and the dream world. Both are creations of the mind and, so long as the mind is engrossed in either, it finds itself unable to deny their reality. It cannot deny the reality of the dream world while it is dreaming and it cannot deny the reality of the waking world while it is awake. If, on the contrary, you withdraw your mind completely from the world and turn it within and abide there, that is, if you keep awake always to the Self which is the substratum of all experiences, you will find the world of which you are now aware is just as unreal as the world in which you lived in your dream.”
The Fourth State:
“The jnani being established in the fourth state – turiya, the supreme reality – he detachedly witnesses the three other states, waking, dreaming and dreamless sleep, as pictures superimposed on it.”
“For the jnani all the three states are equally unreal. But the ajnani is unable to comprehend this, because for him the standard of reality is the waking state, whereas for the jnani the standard of reality is reality itself. This reality of pure consciousness is eternal by its nature and therefore subsists equally during what you call waking, dreaming and sleep.”
“Creation is neither good nor bad; it is as it is. It is the human mind which puts all sorts of constructions on it, seeing things from its own angle and interpreting them to suit its own interests.”
Judgment:
“There is no standard by which to judge something to be right and another to be wrong. Opinions differ according to the nature of the individual and according to the surroundings. They are again ideas and nothing more.”
“So long as the feeling ‘I am doing’ is there, one must experience the result of one’s acts, whether they are good or bad … When the feeling ‘I am doing’ is lost, nothing affects a man. Unless one realises the Self, the feeling ‘I am doing’ will never vanish.”
“Only when the reality is known can the truth about right and wrong be known.”
Suffering:
“He who thinks he is the doer is also the sufferer.”
“Misery is nothing but an illusion caused by the unreal sense of individuality.”
“It is the human mind that creates its own difficulties and then cries for help.”
“Truly there is no cause for you to be miserable and unhappy. You yourself impose limitations on your true nature of infinite being, and then weep that you are but a finite creature. Then you take up this or that spiritual practice to transcend the non-existent limitations. But if your spiritual practice itself assumes the existence of the limitations, how can it help you to transcend them?”
“The cause of your misery is not in the life outside you, it is in you as the ego. You impose limitations on yourself and then make a vain struggle to transcend them. All unhappiness is due to the ego; with it comes all your trouble.”
“When you seek to reduce the suffering of any fellow man or fellow creature, whether your efforts succeed or not, you are yourself evolving spiritually especially if such service is rendered disinterestedly, not with the egotistic feeling ‘I am doing this’, but in the spirit ‘God is making me the channel of this service; he is the doer and I am the instrument.'”
“If one knows the truth that all that one gives to others is giving only to oneself, who indeed will not be a virtuous person and perform the kind act of giving to others? Since everyone is one’s own Self, whoever does whatever to whomever is doing it only to himself.”
“Only remove ignorance. That is all there is to be done.”
Ignorance:
“Ignorance is identical with the ‘I’-thought.”
“When one looks for it, this individual ‘I’ is not found because it is not real. Hence this ‘I’ is synonymous with illusion or ignorance (maya, avidya or ajnana). To know that there never was ignorance is the goal of all the spiritual teachings.”
“The fact is, you are ignorant of your blissful state. Ignorance supervenes and draws a veil over the pure Self which is bliss. Attempts are directed only to remove this veil of ignorance which is merely wrong knowledge. The wrong knowledge is the false identification of the Self with the body and the mind. This false identification must go, and then the Self alone remains.”
“Know then that true knowledge does not create a new being for you, it only removes your ignorant ignorance. Bliss is not added to your nature, it is merely revealed as your true natural state, eternal and imperishable.”
Relative Knowledge:
“There is no duality. Your present knowledge is due to the ego and is only relative. Relative knowledge requires a subject and an object, whereas the awareness of the Self is absolute and requires no object.”
“Remembrance also is similarly relative, requiring an object to be remembered and a subject to remember. When there is no duality, who is to remember whom?”
“The concept will be only according to the one who conceives. Find out who you are and the other problems will solve themselves.”
“The Self cannot be the doer. Find out who is the doer and the Self is revealed.”
Doer:
“Agitation of mind is the cause of desire, the sense of doership and personality.”
“The present difficulty is that man thinks he is the doer. But it is a mistake. It is the higher power which does everything and man is only a tool. If he accepts that position he is free from troubles, otherwise he courts them. Take, for instance, the sculpted figure at the base of a gopuram (temple tower), which is made to appear as if it is bearing the burden of the tower on its shoulder. Its posture and look are a picture of great strain which gives the impression that it is bearing the weight of the tower. But think. The tower is built on the earth and it rests on its foundations. The figure is a part of the tower, but it is made to look as if it is bearing the weight of the tower. Is it not funny? So also is the man who takes on himself the sense of doing.”
Doing:
“So long as the sense of doership is retained there is the desire … The sense of doership is the bondage and not the actions themselves.”
“The radio sings and speaks, but if you open it you will find no one inside. Similarly, my existence is like the space; though this body speaks like the radio, there is no one inside as a doer.”
“The fact is that any amount of action can be performed, and performed quite well, by the jnani, without his identifying himself with it in any way or ever imagining that he is the doer. Some power acts through his body and uses his body to get the work done.”
“In their daily routine of taking food, moving about and all the rest, they, the jnanis, act only for others. Not a single action is done for themselves … the jnanis do things for the sake of others with detachment, without themselves being affected by them.”
Work:
“There is no conflict between work and wisdom.”
“Do not hurry, take your own time. Keep the remembrance of your real nature alive, even while working, and avoid haste which causes you to forget.”
“The feeling ‘I work’ is the hindrance. Ask yourself ‘Who works?’ Remember who you are. Then the work will not bind you, it will go on automatically. Make no effort either to work or to renounce; it is your effort which is the bondage.”
“It is neither necessary to resign your job nor run away from home. Renunciation does not imply apparent divesting of costumes, family ties, home, etc., but renunciation of desires, affection and attachment.”
“A man should surrender the personal selfishness which binds him to this world. Giving up the false self is the true renunciation.”
“Renunciation is always in the mind, not in going to forests or solitary places or giving up one’s duties.”
“It is no help to change the environment. The one obstacle is the mind and it must be overcome whether in the home or in the forest.”
“A sannyasi who apparently cast away his clothes and leaves his home does not do so out of aversion to his immediate relations but because of the expansion of his love to others around him. When this expansion comes, one does not feel that one is running away from home, instead one drops from it like a ripe fruit from a tree. Till then it would be folly to leave one’s home or job.”
“One will not think that it is the old personality which is doing the work, because one’s consciousness will gradually become transferred until it is centered in that which is beyond the little self.”
“We must be inwardly quiet, not forgetting the Self, and then externally we can go on with activity.”
Solitude:
“Work performed with attachment is a shackle, whereas work performed with detachment does not affect the doer. One who works like this is, even while working, in solitude.”
“Solitude is in the mind of man. One might be in the thick of the world and maintain serenity of mind. Such a one is in solitude.”
“Solitude is a function of the mind. A man attached to desires cannot get solitude wherever he may be, whereas a detached man is always in solitude.”
“Setting apart time for meditation is only for the merest spiritual novices. A man who is advancing will begin to enjoy the deeper beatitude whether he is at work or not. While his hands are in society, he keeps his head cool in solitude.”
Silence:
“Speech is always less powerful than silence.”
“Silence is the most potent form of work.”
“Silence is the eternal flow of language, obstructed by words.”
“Silence is ever-speaking. It is a perennial flow of language which is interrupted by speaking.”
“Language is only a medium for communicating one’s thoughts to another. It is called in only after thoughts arise. Other thoughts arise after the ‘I’-thought rises and so the ‘I’-thought is the root of all conversation. When one remains without thinking one understands another by means of the universal language of silence.“
“What one fails to know by conversation extending several years can be known instantly in silence, or in front of silence … This is the highest and most effective language.”
“For those who live in Self as the beauty devoid of thought, there is nothing which should be thought of. That which should be adhered to is only the experience of silence, because in that supreme state nothing exists to be attained other than oneself.”
“That state which transcends speech and thought is mouna (silence). That which is, is mouna. How can mouna be explained in words?”
“Truth is beyond words.”
“Sages say that the state in which the thought ‘I’ (the ego) does not rise even in the least, alone is Self (swarupa) which is silence (mouna).”
“The mind turned inwards is the Self; turned outwards, it becomes the ego and all the world.”
Mind & Ego:
“The mind does not exist apart from the Self, that is, it has no independent existence. The Self exists without the mind, never the mind without the Self.”
“The mind is nothing other than the ‘I’-thought. The mind and the ego are one and the same. The other mental faculties such as the intellect and the memory are only this. Mind (manas), intellect (buddhi), the storehouse of mental tendencies (chittam), and ego (ahamkara); all these are only the one mind itself. This is like different names being given to a man according to his different functions. The individual soul (jiva) is nothing but this soul or ego.”
“The mind is nothing but a bundle of thoughts, and the ‘I’-thought is the root of all of them.”
“This ‘I’-thought rises and sinks, whereas the true significance of ‘I’ is beyond both.”
“The ego-Self appears and disappears and is transitory, whereas the real Self is permanent. Though you are actually the true Self you wrongly identify the real Self with the ego-self.”
“The ego is the thought ‘I’. The true ‘I’ is the Self.”
“The ego-self does not exist at all.”
“The appearance of the ego in any form … is itself an experience.”
“The ego is something intermediate between the inert body and the Self.”
“The ego is an intangible link between the body and pure consciousness.”
Time & Space:
“When you try to trace the ego, which is the basis of the perception of the world and everything else, you find the ego does not exist at all and neither does all this creation that you see.”
“The idea of time is only in your mind. It is not in the Self. There is no time for the Self. Time arises as an idea after the ego arises. But you are the Self beyond time and space. You exist even in the absence of time and space.”
“You are already that. Time and space cannot affect the Self. They are in you. So also all that you see around you is in you.”
“Either the thoughts are eliminated by holding on to the root-thought ‘I’, or one surrenders oneself unconditionally to the higher power. These are the only two ways for realisation.”
Surrender:
“Surrender is to give oneself up to the original cause of one’s being.”
“Surrender means to be without any attachment to thoughts.”
“If you have surrendered, you must be able to abide by the will of God and not make a grievance of what may not please you.”
“Surrender can never be regarded as complete so long as the devotee wants this or that from the Lord. True surrender is love of God for the sake of love and nothing else, not even for the sake of liberation.”
“Surrender is complete only when you reach the stage ‘Thou art all’ and ‘Thy will be done’.”
“Complete surrender is another name for jnana or liberation.”
“Complete surrender does require that you have no desire of your own. You must be satisfied with whatever God gives you and that means having no desires of your own.”
“The state of Self-realisation, as we call it, is not attaining something new or reaching some goal which is far away, but simply being that which you always are and which you always have been. All that is needed is that you give up your realisation of the not-true as true.”
Removing Wrong Knowledge:
“The wrong knowledge of ‘I am the body’ is the cause of all the mischief. This wrong knowledge must go. That is realisation. Realisation is not acquisition of anything new nor is it a new faculty. It is only removal of all camouflage.”
“Removal of the notion that we have not realised the Self is all that is required. We are always the Self only we don’t realise it.”
“The ‘I’ casts off the illusion of ‘I’ and yet remains as ‘I’. Such is the paradox of Self-realisation. The realised do not see any contradiction in it.”
“Thoughts will cease to rise and the Self alone will remain.”
Seer & Seen, Subject & Object:
“Misery is due to the perception of objects. If they are not there, there will be no contingent thoughts and so misery is wiped off. ‘How will objects cease to be?’ is the next question. The srutis (scriptures) and the sages say that the objects are only mental creations. They have no substantive being. Investigate the matter and ascertain the truth of the statement. The result will be the conclusion that the objective world is in the subjective consciousness. The Self is thus the only reality which permeates and also envelops the world. Since there is no duality, no thoughts will arise to disturb your peace. This is realisation of the Self. The Self is eternal and so also is realisation.”
“The seer and the seen together constitute the mind. See if there is such a thing as the mind. Then, the mind merges in the Self, and there is neither the seer nor the seen.”
“If the mind subsides, the whole world subsides. Mind is the cause of all this. If that subsides, the natural state presents itself.”
“(Self-realisation) transcends the seer and the seen. There is no seer there to see anything. The seer who is seeing all this now ceases to exist and the Self alone remains.”
“Atman is realised with mruta manas (dead mind), that is, mind devoid of thoughts and turned inward. Then the mind sees its own source and becomes that (the Self). It is not as the subject perceiving an object.”
“When the mind perishes in the supreme consciousness of one’s own Self, know that all the various powers beginning with the power of liking (and including the power of doing and the power of knowing) will entirely disappear, being found to be an unreal imagination appearing in one’s own form of consciousness.”
Already & Always:
“Realisation is nothing new to be acquired. It is already there, but obstructed by a screen of thoughts. All our attempts are directed to lifting this screen and then realisation is revealed.”
“The Self is already realised. Therefore the effort to realise results only in your realising your present mistake – that you have not realised your Self. There is no fresh realisation. The Self becomes revealed.”
“Realisation is already there. The state free from thoughts is the only real state. There is no such action as realisation.”
“The Self is always realised. It is not necessary to seek to realise what is already and always realised.”
Being / Happiness / Bliss:
“If We talk of knowing the Self, there must be two selves, one a knowing self, another the self which is known, and the process of knowing. The state we call realisation is simply being oneself, not knowing anything or becoming anything. If one has realised, one is that which alone is and which alone has always been. One cannot describe that state. One can only be that.”
“There is no goal to be reached. There is nothing to be attained. You are the Self. You exist always. Nothing more can be predicated of the Self than that it exists. Seeing God or the Self is only being the Self or yourself. Seeing is being. You, being the Self, want to know how to attain the Self.”
“One must realise the Self in order to open the store of unalloyed happiness.”
“To be the Self that you really are is the only means to realise the bliss that is ever yours.”
“Having realised the Self, nothing remains to be known, because it is perfect bliss, it is the all.”
Self-realisation, “others,” & “the world”:
“Self-realisation is the best help that you can possibly render to others. But really there are no others to be helped. For the realised being sees only the Self … the others disappear. The realised one does not see the world as different from himself.”
“There are no others … The Self is the only reality. The sage helps the world merely by being the real Self. The best way for one to serve the world is to win the egoless state.”
“The power that created you has created the world as well. If it can take care of you, it can similarly take care of the world also. If God has created the world it is his business to look after it, not yours.”
“You realise that you are moved by the deeper real Self within. You have no worries, no anxieties, no cares, for you come to realise that there is nothing belonging to you. You know that everything is done by something with which you are in conscious union.“
“There is no difference between God, Guru and the Self.”
Self:
“It is only as it is. It cannot be defined. The best definition is ‘I am that I am’.”
“The essence of mind is only awareness or consciousness. When the ego, however, dominates it, it functions as the reasoning, thinking or sensing faculty. The cosmic mind, being not limited by the ego, has nothing separate from itself and is therefore only aware. This is what the Bible means by ‘I am that I am’.”
“For the wise one who has known Self by diving within himself, there is nothing other than Self to be known. Why? Because since the ego which identifies the form of a body as ‘I’ has perished, he (the wise one) is the formless existence-consciousness.”
“When the not-Self disappears, the Self alone remains. To make room, it is enough that objects be removed. Room is not brought in from elsewhere.”
“You are awareness. Awareness is another name for you. Since you are awareness there is no need to attain or cultivate it. All that you have to do is to give up being aware of other things, that is of the not-Self. If one gives up being aware of them then pure awareness alone remains, and that is the Self.”
“The Self is the unassociated, pure reality, in whose light the body and the ego shine. On stilling all thoughts the pure consciousness remains.”
“The Self is pure consciousness and non-dual.”
“The Self is universal.”
“See yourself first and then see the whole world as the Self.”
Guru:
“Guru is God or the Self.”
“One must see the Guru in all living beings. It is the same with God.”
“A Guru need not be in a human form.”
“The Guru does not bring about Self-realisation. He simply removes the obstacles to it.”
“So long as the sense of duality persists in you, you seek a Guru, thinking that he is different from you. However, he teaches you the truth and you gain the insight.”
“The Guru will say only what I am saying now. He will not give you anything you have not already got.”
“The Guru cannot give you anything new, which you don’t have already.”
God:
“Call it by any name, God, Self, the Heart or the seat of consciousness, it is all the same.”
“Formless consciousness alone is God.”
“God is not separate from you or the cosmos.”
“The Self is God. ‘I am’ is God.”
“Knowing the Self, God is known.”
“Know yourself before you seek to decide about the nature of God and the world.”
“Real nature is … one and identical with the undifferentiated, pure consciousness.”
“From the absolute standpoint the sage cannot accept any other existence than the impersonal Self, one and formless.”
“When you talk of love, there is duality, is there not—the person who loves and the entity called God who is loved? The individual is not separate from God.”
Love:
“Love itself is the actual form of God.“
“To see God is to be God. There is no all apart from God for him to pervade. He alone is.”
“What remains is the Self alone. That is real love. One who knows the secret of that love finds the world itself full of universal love.”
“Only if one knows the truth of love, which is the real nature of Self, will the strong entangled knot of life be untied. Only if one attains the height of love will liberation be attained. Such is the heart of all religions.”
Peace:
“Peace is absence of disturbance. The disturbance is due to the arising of thoughts in the individual, which is only the ego rising up from pure consciousness.”
“To bring about peace means to be free from thoughts and to abide as pure consciousness.”
“If one remains at peace oneself, there is only peace everywhere.”
“The conception that there is a goal and a path to it is wrong. We are the goal or peace always. To get rid of the notion that we are not peace is all that is required.”
“Peace is your natural state. It is the mind that obstructs the natural state. If you do not experience peace it means that your vichara has been made only in the mind. Investigate what the mind is, and it will disappear. There is no such thing as mind apart from thought. Nevertheless, because of the emergence of thought, you surmise something from which it starts and term that the mind. When you probe to see what it is, you find there is really no such thing as mind. When the mind has thus vanished, you realise eternal peace.”
“Whose will is it? So long as there is the sense of doership, there is the sense of enjoyment and of individual will. But if this sense is lost through the practice of vichara, the divine will will act and guide the course of events. Fate is overcome by jnana, Self-knowledge, which is beyond will and fate.”
“The only freedom man has is to strive for and acquire the jnana which will enable him not to identify himself with the body. The body will go through the actions rendered inevitable by prarabdha and a man is free either to identify himself with the body and be attached to the fruits of its actions, or to be detached from it and be a mere witness of its activities.”
“Free will holds the field in association with individuality. As long as individuality lasts there is free will.”
“Find out to whom free will or destiny matters. Find out where they come from, and abide in their source. If you do this, both of them are transcended. That is the only purpose of discussing these questions. To whom do these questions arise? Find out and be at peace.”
“There are only two ways to conquer destiny or be independent of it. One is to enquire for whom is this destiny and discover that only the ego is bound by destiny and not the Self, and that the ego is non-existent. The other way is to kill the ego by completely surrendering to the Lord, by realising one’s helplessness and saying all the time, ‘Not I but thou, O Lord’, giving up all sense of ‘I’ and ‘mine’ and leaving it to the Lord to do what he likes with you.”
“In other words, complete effacement of the ego is necessary to conquer destiny.”
“The world does not exist without the body, the body never exists without the mind, the mind never exists without consciousness and consciousness never exists without the reality.”
Reality:
“The one unalterable reality is being.”
“‘I am’ is the goal and the final reality.”
“‘I am’ is God, not thinking ‘I am God.’ Realise ‘I am’ and do not think ‘I am.'”
“Reality is simply the loss of ego. Destroy the ego by seeking its identity.”
“There is no greater mystery than this – that being the reality we seek to gain reality. We think that there is something hiding our reality and that it must be destroyed before the reality is gained. It is ridiculous. A day will dawn when you will yourself laugh at your past efforts. That which will be on the day you laugh is also here and now.”
“Truly speaking, pure consciousness is indivisible, it is without parts. It has no form and shape, no ‘within’ and ‘without’. There is no ‘right’ or ‘left’ for it. Pure consciousness, which is the Heart, includes all, and nothing is outside or apart from it. That is the ultimate truth.”
“The ultimate truth is so simple. It is nothing more than being in the pristine state. This is all that need be said.”
“I have said that equality is the true sign of jnana. The very term equality implies the existence of differences. It is a unity that the jnani perceives in all differences, which I call equality. Equality does not mean ignorance of distinctions. When you have the realisation you can see that these differences are very superficial, that they are not at all substantial or permanent, and what is essential in all these appearances is the one truth, the real. That I call unity. You referred to sound, taste, form, smell, etc. True the jnani appreciates the distinctions, but he always perceives and experiences the one reality in all of them. That is why he has no preferences. Whether he moves about, or talks, or acts, it is all the one reality in which he acts or moves or talks. He has nothing apart from the one supreme truth.”
Liberation:
“Liberation is our very nature. We are that.”
“Liberation is absolute and irrevocable.”
“Annihilation of thoughts is liberation.”
“Liberation is not anywhere outside you. It is only within.”
“Questions are endless. Why worry oneself in so many ways? Does liberation consist in knowing these things?”
“One believes that there is bondage and therefore seeks liberation. But the fact is that there is no bondage but only liberation. Why call it by a name and seek it?”
“All that is necessary is to get rid of the false notion that we are bound. When we achieve that, there will be no desire or thought of any sort. So long as one desires liberation, so long, you may take it, one is in bondage.”
“What is bliss but your own being? You are not apart from being which is the same as bliss.”
“Call it pure bliss, God, atma, or what you will. That is devotion, that is realisation and that is everything.”
The Psychology of Money
by Morgan Housel
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Blessings for Unlimited Happyness & Prosperity
Abstract:
Managing your money is not easy. But here’s how the author of the book thinks you should approach cash: It’s not about what you know about money, it’s about how you behave with money. Financial freedom is not about learning everything related to the stock market. It’s about patience and persistence. In this book, Morgan Housel walks us through the major behavior patterns we should adopt if we want to become good with our cash flow so we can finally develop financial literacy.
The Core Idea:
Our behaviour patterns prevent us from having good financial health. We accumulate debt and fail to meet our investment goals not because we don’t know what to do, but because we’re too greedy or deeply involved in social games where we compare ourselves to the people around us. To become better and smarter with your money, you don’t need to study new investment strategies. You need to examine how you behave with your money and make adjustments.
We overlook and miscalculate our finances because we focus on the wrong things. We try hacks and tips. We hire financial advisors. And even further, we see what others are doing with their cash and we try to mimic them. But to win in the money game, we shouldn’t look outside, we should look within – inside ourselves and examine our behaviours, daily.
How we handle money is heavily influenced by our behaviour. Therefore, we should alter the way we act if we want to transition from wanting more and having little to being content with what we have.
The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel is both a personal story and an observation of how the wealthiest people on earth have become, well, wealthy.
There are 20 short chapters in the book, and each one of them comes with brief instructions on how to become financially literate and eventually independent.
The main point the author is trying to transfer to the reader is this: Money management is not complicated. We are complicated.
Highlights:
Adjusting how you behave with money on a daily basis is far more important than adjusting your investment strategy.
Don’t strive only on becoming wealthy. Learn also how to stay wealthy.
Everything that can break will break. Create plans that will help you when your plans are not going according to plan.
5 Key Lessons from The Psychology of Money:
Lesson #1: Don’t Mimic Specific Successful Individuals. Adopt Broad Patterns
Lesson #2: Earning Enough Is Better From Constantly Striving For More
Lesson #3: Staying Wealthy Is Different From Getting Wealthy
Lesson #4: Have A Plan On Your Plan Not Going According To Plan
Lesson #5: Better Discipline On How You Manage Your Cash
Lesson #1: Don’t Mimic Specific Successful Individuals. Adopt Broad Patterns
If you are not sure how to manage your money, you’ll do what everyone else in the world is doing: You’ll check how the wealthiest people are using their cash. You’ll read the big covers. Check the famous sites. Digest the stories covered by the news.
Sadly, this is not a very good strategy for two main reasons:
Firstly, different people have different backgrounds. If you were raised in a middle-income family, you will have a very different approach to the way you handle your money than someone who grew up in a mansion, for example. For you, spending $1000 on a seminar might seem like a crazy idea. For others, though, that’s a lifestyle.
Secondly, we rarely consider the role luck plays in other people’s lives. As the author writes, “The line between bold and reckless can be thin.” Sometimes, turning your small company into a big corporation can be caused by events you can’t predict nor measure. Or in other words, you simply got lucky.
How do these two points translate to us?
Don’t obsess over super successful people and don’t try to mimic their every move. In most situations, their fame and “greatness” is pure luck – something you can’t emulate – or something caused by their social circle – something that depends on many things. Focus on the common behavior patterns that are present in most people. Things like patience and self-control.
Or put differently, not all success is due to hard work. Also, failure is not always related to laziness. There are a lot of factors involved. A lot of moving pieces that are hard to measure.
Look at different people. Observe situations where individuals and companies did good and adopt the repeatable patterns. Usually, these are patience, avoiding reckless behavior, and focusing on the long-term goal.
“When things are going extremely well, realize it’s not as good as you think. You are not invincible, and if you acknowledge that luck brought you success then you have to believe in luck’s cousin, risk, which can turn your story around just as quickly.” Morgan Housel
Lesson #2: Earning Enough Is Better From Constantly Striving For More
The hardest, yet most important financial skill you’d want to adopt is a sense of enough.
It sounds unproductive, yes. After all, we live in a world where doubling, tripling, or even 10xing your cash seems like the right thing to do. However, the constant pursuit for more will either make you risk everything you currently have or make you emotionally unstable. Both things that will, at some point, make you act recklessly with your cash.
As the author writes, “Modern capitalism is a pro at two things: generating wealth and generating envy. Perhaps they go hand in hand; wanting to surpass your peers can be the fuel of hard work. But life isn’t any fun without a sense of enough. Happiness, as it’s said, is just results minus expectations.”
The higher you rise in the social hierarchy. The bigger your goals will become. And sadly, the more you will want to present yourself as better than the people surrounding you. For example, you will start thinking about purchasing a bigger house or getting a more expensive car. Or in other words, you will want to signal to others that you are, too, rich.
However, trying to keep up with other people’s wealth is a game you will never win. There will be always someone who has more than you do. Someone whose presence will make you feel like you’re earning pennies.
So how do you approach this?
Let’s look at what a Las Vegas dealer replied to the question “How to earn most in Las Vegas?”. He said: “The only way to win in a Las Vegas casino is to exit as soon as you enter.”
Similarly, the only way you can win the game of “who’s the richest person in the room?” is to simply ensure that you don’t play the game.
This is hard to do in practice. Eventually, your mind will make associations, whether you want it or not. That’s the way we think. After all, we are social animals. Survival-addict creatures. We want to ensure that we have a stable present and a blossoming future. We want to matter. But more importantly, we want others to view us as people who matter. And in the 21st century, the number of your possessions is a direct representation of where you stand in the social hierarchy. If you have more, you are more. Or at least that’s what we are told.
Contrary to popular belief, more money and more things will never make you happier. They will simply make you desire even more things and even more riches.
The two things you’d want to focus on are freedom and independence. Both dismiss the idea that more should be pursued.
“Reputation is invaluable. Freedom and independence are invaluable. Family and friends are invaluable. Being loved by those who you want to love you is invaluable. Happiness is invaluable. And your best shot at keeping these things is knowing when it’s time to stop taking risks that might harm them. Knowing when you have enough.” Morgan Housel
Lesson #3: Staying Wealthy Is Different From Getting Wealthy
How to get rich is a widely discussed topic. We all know that.
But Morgan Housel notes that staying wealthy is far more important. Especially these days, where you have the chance to spend your money on millions of things.
Eventually, you will earn some skills and get a job. Or, if you’re the adventurous type, you’ll start investing and/or start a business and earn extra money by offering your services.
There are numerous ways to earn income. Yes, some jobs and some industries will make you more money than others, but that’s not the important part here.
Being wealthy is not how much you earn. It’s how much you keep. And furthermore, what you do with what you keep.
If you’re making $100,000 a year, by definition, you’re making more than the average person. However, if most of your income is spent on things, traveling, and if there is little left for the rainy days, you’ll eventually have money problems.
That’s why the author states: “Getting money is one thing. Keeping it is another.”
Usually, people who are good at getting money are not that good at keeping them. The reason? The two things require a completely different set of thought processes.
Getting money is about being bold. Taking risks. Hustling.
Focusing on short-term results.
Conversely, keeping money is about playing it safe. Persistence. Humility. Concentrating on long-term investments.
You need to keep more than you earn. But it’s not that simple.
If your salary increases with time. Your expenses will likely increase in unison with your salary. Subconsciously, you’ll tell yourself that you deserve the extra pair of jeans and the new car. After all, you’ve earned the money yourself, right? With this internal monologue, we trick ourselves into believing that tomorrow will be like yesterday. Even better actually. That’s, however, a wrong way of dealing with money.
To stay wealthy, you need two things: a combination of frugality and paranoia.
In life, the only certain thing is change. We don’t know if tomorrow will be better than yesterday. That’s why it’s best to assume that it might be worse. So being a bit paranoid can help. This will make you more conscious of how you spend your money and better prepared for the future.
“Compounding only works if you can give an asset years and years to grow. It’s like planting oak trees: A year of growth will never show much progress, 10 years can make a meaningful difference, and 50 years can create something absolutely extraordinary. But getting and keeping that extraordinary growth requires surviving all the unpredictable ups and downs that everyone inevitably experiences over time.” Morgan Housel
Lesson #4: Have A Plan On Your Plan Not Going According To Plan
Regardless of what your momma told you when you were little, the world is careless of your dreams and desires. No one is going to help you because people are narcissists and care only about themselves. The world won’t pave the path to the dreamy place you envision when you close your eyes. Meaning that our plans will most probably fail. That’s how things work.
We’ll lose a job. We’ll have to repair our car. Our stocks will underperform, etc.
To endure financial difficulties and setbacks in general, we need to give ourselves room for error. We need to have a plan for when our plan is not going according to plan. Yes, it’s a mouthful, but an important point made by the author.
Financial freedom – at least for ordinary people – happens by making good daily financial decisions and investing for years. The goal is to invest in medium-level risk assets and leave those investments long enough to compound. Or in other words, invest for 20-30 years and let the interest rate make you rich.
This looks simple on paper. In reality, though, it’s hard work. This means that you need to ensure that you will have a stable income for at least 30 years so you can invest part of the cash. If you don’t have enough to invest, well, then you simply won’t invest regularly and therefore you won’t have enough money for your retirement. It’s that simple.
That’s why the author stresses a lot on creating an investment plan for when things are not working out the way we imagine.
To create your own backup strategy, you can follow this 3-step process:
Create a financial buffer: Saving money. Yes, super simple but extremely effective. You need to have cash for when things are not working out the way you’ve hoped.
Good financial habits: Probably the most important thing in the book is teaching yourself that spending money to impress others is a damaging behaviour. People are careless of what car you drive. Therefore, don’t obsess over what luxury item to buy. Focus on how you can make the money you have make you even more money.
Prepare to fail: Things will eventually break. And this applies to everything. You can’t rely 100% on your job. You need to stay curious. To learn new things and to ensure that your skills and abilities are even-growing.
You have to ensure that you’ll survive to succeed. And here, survive means a lot of things. Survive financial difficulties. Survive losing your job. Survive necessary house renovation. All of these things require money. And the more troubles you survive, the more you will save and therefore the more you can invest. The more you invest, the more your money will compound.
“You can plan for every risk except the things that are too crazy to cross your mind. And those crazy things can do the most harm, because they happen more often than you think and you have no plan for how to deal with them.” Morgan Housel
Lesson #5: Better Discipline On How You Manage Your Cash
The way the world makes more money is when people spend more money. Yes, capitalism is powered by people’s spending habits. The more people spend, the more the economy is thriving. More factories are created and more money is printed. This results in better health care and more jobs.
In theory, everyone should be happy. In reality, things are quite different.
Towards the end of the book, Morgan Housel tells a story about the end of World War 2. After the war was over, the people defending the front lines wanted to do something. But most importantly, they wanted a nice home. A wife and a decent job.
Immediately after the war, the marriage rate spiked. And since this also involved starting a family, the housing market also boomed.
During the years after the war, to encourage spending, the interest rates were extremely low. The American government was basically giving away free cash. This created a thriving economy and happy citizens.
People borrowed more money. Bought cars, homes, gadgets.
As reported in the book, “Sixteen million veterans could buy a home often with no money down, no interest in the first year, and fixed rates so low that monthly mortgage payments could be lower than a rental.”
On the outside, everything looked awesome. The gap between the rich and the poor wasn’t huge. And more importantly, the stuff the rich and the poor possessed were practically the same. Because, well, there wasn’t a lot of variety.
From a micro perspective, though, these years have laid devastating behavior foundations. Everyone thought that they can have whatever they want and that money is not something that they should worry about.
In 1973 things got bleak. The American economy entered a recession. Huge inflation emerged and short-term interest rates skyrocketed.
However, the expectations of how people operate with money stayed the same. People still believed that they should have whatever they want.
This is the most important lesson in the book.
Regardless of how much you earn, if you don’t have a healthy relationship with your money, you will never reach a moment of your life where you can be financially independent.
That’s the hardest skill to acquire, but the most important one. It requires constant self-control and a bit of carelessness of what other people think, own, and focus on. But if you master this, you will create a gap that will, at some point, allow you to live your life the way you really want.
“Singer Rihanna nearly went bankrupt after overspending and sued her financial advisor. The advisor responded: “Was it really necessary to tell her that if you spend money on things, you will end up with the things and not the money?” Morgan Housel
Actionable Notes:
“Shut Up And Wait” investment strategy: A big chunk of the online space is dedicated to investment strategies. All promising to make you wealthy in the shortest possible time. As you can probably imagine, they rarely work. Warren Buffett, the most talked-about investor, is awfully rich not because he did something extraordinary with his money. He’s a millionaire because of two things. First, he’s investing since he was 10 years old. And secondly, he waited. That’s basically it. It’s not so much about finding the “best” ETF or the best stocks to invest in. It’s about finding good enough ones and waiting – that’s how compounding works. The time will take care of the rest. As the author writes in the book, “There are books on economic cycles, trading strategies, and sector bets. But the most powerful and important book should be called Shut Up And Wait. It’s just one page with a long-term chart of economic growth.”
Don’t become a prisoner of your past self: Don’t stick to a job only because you chose it when you were barely legal to drink. Accept that the world will change and that you will need to change along the way as well. If your current job is not making you enough money, and if the potential of making you more money in the future is low, you’d have to change careers. You’ll have to reinvent yourself. The sooner you realize that you can make a change, the sooner you’ll start making this change. The first step is to shift your perspective on how you see the world. Realize that you shouldn’t stay loyal to a career without potential. Or in other words, you should alter the way you think first.
More time or more stuff? Every month you have a choice. Do you want more stuff today, or do you want more free time in the future? The latter, a lot of people never consider. The things you don’t buy today can help you live the life you actually want 10 years from now. I know, it sounds like… a lot of waiting. But if you think about it, it’s not that bad. Not buying a new bag and not going out today might be bad, but they won’t hurt your well-being that much. Instead, if you use the extra money and invest them, they can essentially buy you your freedom. Maybe it’s time we start paying attention to the small daily purchases. Who knows, in the future, the things we don’t get today can become the lifestyle we do want tomorrow.
Quit the envy games: Spending money to show people how much money you have is the fastest way to have less money. Besides, people don’t care if you are rich. They don’t care that you drive a fancy car. They, we, care about ourselves. If your friends admire you only because you’re rich, I’m sorry to say this, but you probably need new friends. Getting luxury things is the easiest way to gain admiration. But it doesn’t mean that it’s the best way. Others – if that’s what you want – will admire you far more if you’re a decent resourceful down to earth human with ambitions and principles. Earning above-average pay if you can do the previous is just a bonus.
Prepare to fail: Despite your magnificent skills and (hopefully) a decent-paying job, even the most charming fairy tales turn into catastrophic horror movies. Everything that can break will eventually break. I’m not saying this to scare you, I’m saying this so you can prepare. Well, technically, the author of the book said it first – in the book. No one will guarantee you that you’ll avoid risk, not even your mom – especially your mom. But what to prepare for – you might ask? Well, I don’t know. No one knows. The idea is to be prepared that shitty things will happen. To anticipate failure and to have a plan for when things are not going according to plan. It’s impossible to avoid risks. But it’s fully possible to be prepared when disastrous situations occur.
This brings me to the ending of this summary…
Key takeaway:
Financial stability is extremely simple. In short, you need to spend less than you earn and regularly invest. However, our emotions and desires crush this simple mathematical strategy in pieces. We are poor not because we don’t have enough, but because we don’t feel enough in front of others. We try to impress other people. That’s why we lose our freedom. So, focus on becoming independent. Not on presenting yourself as rich in the eyes of the people around you. The former will lead to financial freedom. The latter into more debt.
“You have to survive to succeed. To repeat a point we’ve made a few times in this book: The ability to do what you want, when you want, for as long as you want, has an infinite ROI.” Morgan Housel“I did not intend to get rich. I just wanted to get independent.” Charlie Munger“But while we can see how much money other people spend on cars, homes, clothes, and vacations, we don’t get to see their goals, worries, and aspirations. A young lawyer aiming to be a partner at a prestigious law firm might need to maintain an appearance that I, a writer who can work in sweatpants, have no need for.” Morgan Housel
Habits of Emotionally Strong People
by xxxxxxxx
#1: Control your attention, not your emotions
Most people hear the term emotionally strong and assume that it means the ability to ignore your emotions or not feel them. But that’s dead wrong…
Emotional strength isn’t about getting rid of difficult feelings — it means you know how to respond to them in a healthy way.
For example:
• Being emotionally strong in the face of anxiety means learning to accept your anxious thoughts and feelings rather than constantly running away from them.
• Being emotionally strong when you’re grieving means being willing to feel your sadness and accept your loss instead of distracting yourself from it.
• Being emotionally strong when you’re angry means validating that anger rather than denying it or criticizing yourself.
Of course, it’s hard work to cultivate a healthier relationship with your emotions — one that allows you to be resilient and strong in the face of painful feelings instead of fragile.
But it is possible.
And the most effective way to do it is to build consistent habits that promote a more tolerant and accepting relationship with all your feelings — even the painful ones. If you want to become emotionally strong, work to cultivate these 4 habits.
1. Control your attention, not your emotions
Like anything painful, our automatic response to difficult emotions is to try and control them — usually in an attempt to escape them or “fix” them.
And this tendency to control makes sense given how good at exerting control we are in most areas of life:
• You’re good at exerting control and generating creative solutions at work.
• You’re good at exerting control and fixing a leaky drain under the sink at home.
• You’re good at exerting control and asking for help at the grocery store when you can’t find something.
In many areas of our life, it’s helpful and productive to exert control over our problems. But here’s the thing…
Emotions aren’t under our direct control.
Go ahead and try it:
• I want you to take control of your mood right now and make yourself really happy.
• Or, if yourself stop feeling anxious, go ahead and just stop feeling so anxious.
Of course, these are ridiculous experiments to run because you don’t have a happiness dial you can just adjust at will. Or an anxiety button you can just turn on and off.
You can only control your emotions indirectly, primarily through how you choose to think and what you choose to pay attention to.
For example:
• If you’re feeling ashamed about a mistake you made at work, focusing your attention on replaying the details of that mistake over and over again is going to make you feel even more ashamed. On the other hand, if you can switch your attention to correcting the problem or learning from it, you’re likely to start to feel better much faster.
When you try to control things, you don’t have control over — like your feelings — you’ll only create more pain and suffering for yourself in the long run.
Emotionally strong people take control over their attention and what they choose to focus on. Instead of letting their mind bounce around according to the whims of instinct, they practice holding their attention on what matters and avoid getting sucked into unhelpful thought patterns like rumination or worry.
If you want to be more emotionally strong, validate your emotions and control your attention.
“Crying does not indicate that you are weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you are alive.”
― Charlotte Brontë
2. Practice compassionate self-talk
Most people associate emotional strength with toughness and being hard on themselves.
This makes sense because as children this is what most of us learned: That if you wanted to be strong — a strong student, a strong athlete, a strong musician — you had to be strict and hard on yourself in order to achieve.
Unfortunately, this toughness approach doesn’t work real well with difficult emotions. And in fact, the harder you are on yourself for feeling bad, the worse you’ll end up feeling.
For example:
• If every time you feel anxious, you start criticizing yourself for being weak and not strong enough, now you feel ashamed in addition to feeling anxious. Which means your overall level of emotional distress is much higher.
• If every time you feel sad, you judge yourself as selfish or self-centered, well now you’re going to feel guilty on top of feeling sad. This means that dealing with your sadness in a healthy way and moving on from it is going to be much, much harder.
Here’s the bigger point:
When you respond to painful emotions with negative self-talk, you train your brain to be ashamed of feeling bad.
Emotionally strong people realize that it’s actually much more helpful to be compassionate and understanding with yourself when you feel bad. In other words, they practice compassionate self-talk.
Now, if that sounds a little woo-woo or new-agey, it’s not at all. Self-compassion simply means applying the same standard of kindness and support that you would give to a friend who was struggling to yourself.
For example:
• If a friend was feeling sad for no apparent reason, you wouldn’t tell him to “stop being such a baby and get over it.”
• If a friend was feeling afraid, you would tell them they were weak and that they should just “stop it.”
True emotional strength comes from gentleness, not criticism.
“Words matter. And the words that matter most are the ones you say to yourself.”
― David Taylor-Klaus
3. Use values, not feelings, to make decisions
Emotionally strong people listen to their emotions but never take orders from them.
Unfortunately, our cultural attitude toward emotions tends to be one of extremes… Most people see emotions either as silly and to be ignored or gotten rid of or that they are quasi-mystical experiences guiding us toward truth and ultimate enlightenment.
In reality, emotions are much more mundane. They’re a survival mechanism that adapted over hundreds of thousands of years. And while they’re quite useful in some situations, they’re just as often unhelpful in others.
For example:
• If you’re walking across the street, hear a super loud noise, and fear causes you to quickly look and notice a car that’s about to hit you, that’s a very useful instance of an emotion.
• But if you’re sitting in a meeting wanting to share a creative idea but then fear of other people thinking your idea will be stupid pops up and causes you to hold back, that’s not so useful.
The point is simply this:
Your emotions will lead you astray just as often as they will guide you.
Emotionally strong people know that in the face of difficult decisions, it’s best to listen to their emotions. But ultimately, they use their values and reason to guide their decisions, not the emotional whims of the moment.
Think about it:
• How often would you exercise if you only listened to your emotions and how you felt in the moment and ignored your values and commitments to health and wellbeing?
• How many creative projects would you actually produce and finish if you only listened to your emotions and how you happened to feel about creating and ignored your values and commitment to creativity?
• How many incredible relationships would you pass up if you listened to your fearful feelings about asking someone out and ignored your values and commitment to put yourself out there more to find a satisfying relationship?
Listen to all your emotions but don’t blindly take orders from them.
Emotionally strong people are able to resist the pull of unhelpful emotions because they’ve spent time discovering and clarifying their values. As a result, they’re able to make decisions that are good for them in the long-term rather than just impulsively acting on whatever feels easy in the moment.
“Motivation often comes after starting, not before. Action produces momentum.”
— James Clear
4. Set (and enforce) healthy boundaries
It’s hard to set and enforce healthy boundaries…
• It feels scary to tell your manager that you won’t stay late again to take care of someone else’s work.
• It feels awkward and embarrassing to ask your partner for something different in your sex life.
• It feels sad to say no to your family member who always asks for money (and never repays you).
But it’s even harder to live without good boundaries…
• The chronic stress and burnout that come from always taking on extra work and staying late
• The persistent low-level dissatisfaction and lack of intimacy that come from doing the same old thing in sex year after year, decade after decade
• The habitual frustration, conflict, and resentment that come from reinforcing an unhealthy habit in a family member and then constantly expecting them to change.
Emotionally strong people know that you can’t be emotionally healthy if you never stand up for yourself and your own wants and needs.
Unfortunately, setting and enforcing healthy boundaries is a classic short-term/long-term problem: Like eating a healthy diet, studying in school, or investing your money instead of spending it wastefully, what feels easy in the short-term doesn’t usually lead to great results in the long run. And what feels difficult in the short term often leads to much better outcomes in the end.
So too with setting and enforcing healthy boundaries…
• It’s hard to ask for what you really want.
• It’s difficult to say no to people and enforce those boundaries.
But here’s the thing…
Just because it feels bad doesn’t mean it is bad.
Saying no to an overbearing manager or manipulative family member feels bad in the moment. But don’t mistake the fact that it feels bad for whether it’s a good decision or not.
If you want to become more emotionally strong, practice communicating your wants and needs assertively and having the courage to set (and enforce) healthy boundaries.
“No” is a complete sentence.”
― Annie Lamott
All You Need to Know
If you want to become emotionally strong, work to build these 5 habits:
1. Control your attention, not your emotions
2. Practice compassionate self-talk
3. Use values, not feelings, to make decisions
4. Set (and enforce) healthy boundaries
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